From Rab-
I’d like to tell you all a little story. Bear with me for a moment, will you?
Once upon a time at the forest service road outside North Bend, Washington, a company gathered at a grand old turnout. That company was our company, it was all of us, suckars. Some of us are of EO, one of Switzerland with Corndogs, and one who came is of the Free People of EO. There was a divide between us, as might be noted, and an intellectual battle occurring between those of the Free People of EO and those of EO—especially the General of EO, who was quite avid in her support of her country, and her defiance of what she called ‘those Free People idiots’.
This was a Looseleaf. And Looseleaf is a writer’s group.
It’s our writer’s group.
EO—and the Free People of EO—and Switzerland with Corndogs—and Little Bear and Moonface, wherever they are.
It’s Parab’s writer’s group.
It’s ours.
Suckars.
Well, this… hedgehog, as I say, she showed up.
This day in September of the Third Year.
She showed up, and she had big ideas…
“Okay, hello!” she trilled, walking down the path. “Hello!”
“What in the world is—” begins the General, upon seeing her.
She says, “okay” and “hello” a good many times over.
The General demands what the hedgehog was doing in the body of one of River’s toys.
“Oh,” she trilled. “I have some dirt on my nose. All ready—all ready I am getting down in the depths, in the depths…”
Mrs Beaverton, as the hedgehog was called, supported, “happy harmonious language”.
And she went on trilling.
It wasn’t long before the General suggested, “Can we drown her in the River, by any chance?”
“Now, that is inappropriate,” reprimanded the hedgehog.
“Yeah, General!” cried Spoot of the Big Apple. “Good one!”
According to Mrs Beaverton, usually when someone is buying a chew toy for their animal, there is conflict and aggression.
The General disagreed.
“This is now a new year of older, wiser living,” said Mrs Beaverton, “and as we’re all going through changes and growing, it is time to work on harmonious living. I’m going to be your health teacher, okay? Mrs Beaverton, Mrs Beaverton… I’m here today for Looseleaf because I’ve been doing some reading and I understand there are some unharmonious things occurring, and I’m here to mediate any disagreements so that everyone can live peacefully in a state of wellbeing!”
At that time, Mrs Beaverton began to do a ‘dark lord voice’ to quote the famous History of EO Land, a work of Looseleaf, and cried darkly, and no longer so shrilling, “where yarrarra!”
“Hey,” cried Spooty. “That does kind of sound like—”
“Narrayar!” cried Mrs Beaverton. “Yarra! YOUR HEARTBEAT STAYS LOW AND PEACEFUL!”
Spooty began to swear obscenely.
“It is I, the Great Golcanda!” cried the Great Golcanda, a wizard who appeared in Bear’s body following the events in Drawing that occurred in Campground Seven. “I have come to square off against Lady Beaverta!”
“I am not Lady Beaverta,” protested the enchanted hedgehog. “I am Mrs Beaverton. There was a post written soon in not so long ago where there was clearly some much discord, so we’re now going to bask collectively in the place of peacefulness and harmoniousness.”
At some point in her discourse, the General sighed.
“I am the Great Golcanda!” cried the wizard. “I will bring forth all my magic to destroy this being of centralized control seeking to tamp down all of our feelings and thoughts so she can sit peacefully and eat bonbons and watch the sunrise and forget she ever had a feeling!”
“NO GREAT GOLCANDA!” squealed Mrs Beaverton, again resuming her dark lord voice. “I’m gonna get a—Okay, okay,” she became nice once more.
The General side-eyed her.
Pa laughed.
Mrs Beaverton advocated talking about feelings, and the Great Golcanda cried that Riv was brought forth today upon this field of battle. Spoot cried to Riv to save us, save us! The dog leapt.
“Now, listen, here,” said Mrs Beaverton. “This is the way it’s gonna go. You’re gonna dwell peacefully in harmony. After all you don’t want to be fighting DO YOU!” the last two words are uttered in a harpy shriek.
“ASHKNOCK!” shouted the hedgehog.
Pa turned to face her.
Let time go on…
He shook his head, laughed.
Mrs Beaverton screamed.
The General demands to know what is wrong with Mrs Beaverton’s arm.
“This is not the way things are supposed to go!” cried Beaverton.
The General continued stabbing her with her stick, i.e. her wand of power.
“THERE ARE NO RULES IN ZOOMIES!” cried the Great Golcanda.
“Could you please hold this, please?” said Pa, passing the camera to the General, who takes it.
“There are no rules in Zoomies!”
“Who are you?” hissed Beaverton.
“There are no rules in Zoomies.”
Mrs Beaverton made an attempt at a rebuke.
Pa flings down his hat.
“—supposed to go—” attempted Beaverton.
Roger reaches back for his knife.
“Oh—” gasped the General.
“Riv—” said the General. “Stay there.”
And Roger drew his knife and plunged it into the stuffing-filled heart of the wicked controlling and malignant beast.
Roger released a war cry.
High the trophy rose into the air.
Roger flung her across Tinkham Road.
“It’s Roger Willoughsby!” shouted the Great Golcanda.
Roger stood.
River wailed.
“WE MAY NOT GET ALONG!” cried Roger. “BUT WE WILL NOT FALL!”
With a laugh he walked to the body.
And tore it to shreds.
He walked to the car, still laughing.
“The camera might have jiggled,” said the General. “When you cut her the first time. ‘Cause Riv—”
Roger raises the hat to his brow.
And is gone.
Pa has returned.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Um,” replied the General. “Roger showed up and cut Mrs Beaverton in half. Uh. To put it lightly, he cut her in half.”
After that, the Great Golcanda suggested they burn the remains, and they did so (see photo spread below).
And Spoot said you gotta hand it to Roge.
To quote Roger Willoughsby: “There is no quiet here: you know what there is? There is the sound of the creek, there is the crashing of the water, there is the laughter of the wild, free men!”
Light the fire.
Light the flame.
Burn the fire.
Burn the bane.
That was a Looseleaf. It happened on September 15th of the Fourth Year.
Welcome.
EO is a free land. “Each colony has the right to live as they want without impeding on the rights of others.” Looseleaf too shares that moral as a place where us, writers and players and people and deer, and far more, all of us, can speak up and share our works, thoughts, opinions, dreams. Not censored, but carrying on—and up. EO! So you see when this dorky hedgehog shows up, trying to define our lives and mitigate emotion and honesty and soul, how strong my proposal was to throw her into the River, and how brilliantly Roger’s knife flashed.
We are free.
“Here we gather
Here today
To write and record things
Not yet made!
Let us laugh and goof
Bow our heads and pray
Put it all, every last bit on the page!
So say, whatever you have to say
This verse and lyrics
Is yours…
GO TAKE!”
– Dr. Phil’s Looseleaf anthem
An example of the glory of Looseleaf can be read in our first publication, Sparks in Your Eyes! Anthology and in the eclectic explosions of our publications, supporting a wide range of authors and works.
No one comes in and trods on us. And by the same note, we don’t tread on each other.
We’re free.
Looseleaf.
Freedom Rides!
